“Kangu hakawezi nicheat,”-Diana Bahati claims her husband can not pool Jonasi The polygamist style

By Our Chief Relationship Correspondent

Social media was left in stitches yesterday after celebrity wife Diana Bahati confidently declared that her husband, Bahati, can never imitate the legendary “Jonasi the Polygamist” lifestyle that has become the talk of every Kenyan living room.

Speaking during a Hivipunde.com interview at an undisclosed nyama choma joint, Diana laughed off rumors that Bahati could secretly be operating additional branches of marriage across the country.

“Bahati? Huyo? Impossible!” Diana reportedly said while nearly choking on a piece of goat meat from excessive laughter. “The man can’t even keep one phone charger for more than two days. How can he manage multiple wives?”

Her remarks come amid the growing popularity of Jonasi, Bahati  who somehow manages to maintain peace among four wives, twelve children, three girlfriends, two baby mamas, and a village WhatsApp group without ever getting caught.

According to local relationship experts, Jonasi possesses supernatural powers not yet recognized by science.

“Ordinary men struggle to remember one anniversary,” explained Professor Wanjiku Wa Love Affairs. “Jonasi remembers eight birthdays, four wedding anniversaries, and still has enough mental space to argue about football.”

Diana insisted Bahati lacks the qualifications required to become a modern-day Jonasi.

“That man gets lost in a supermarket looking for cooking oil. Imagine sending him to visit Wife Number Three in Nakuru and Wife Number Four in Kisumu. He would end up in Busia asking strangers for directions.”

Sources close to Bahati revealed that the singer once forgot where he parked his car for three hours.

“If he can’t locate his own vehicle, how will he locate multiple homes?” one friend asked.

The comments sparked hilarious reactions online.

One fan wrote:

“Jonasi should start a university. Kenyan men need training.”

Another added:

“The only thing Bahati can manage simultaneously is posting on Instagram and eating ugali.”

Meanwhile, reports indicate that Jonasi himself was unavailable for comment because he was allegedly attending a parent-teacher meeting, a dowry negotiation, a birthday party, and a secret date all at the same time.

Witnesses claim he somehow appeared at all four locations.

Relationship analysts have since warned Kenyan men against attempting the Jonasi lifestyle at home.

“Jonasi is a trained professional,” one expert cautioned. “The stunts you see are performed by an experienced polygamist on a closed course. Please do not try this in your estate.”

As for Diana, she remains unconcerned.

“My husband is safe,” she said confidently. “For him to become Jonasi, he would first need to learn how to remember where he left his socks.”

At the time of publication, Bahati was reportedly searching for his house keys, which were discovered in the refrigerator next to a bottle of juice.

The investigation is ongoing